A rant about tattoos and Facebook: social media lessons

Today I had an experience on social media that has influenced my perspective and opinion about it. It started when I asked for some simple advice on a social media site about a tattoo. I wrote a question on the Facebook group “Hanoi Massive” (which is a group where expats living in Hanoi can post questions, events, room vacancies, etc) about where/how to dispose of the needle I was given by the parlor where I got a star tattooed behind my ear. I got many helpful answers, as I expected. But as could also be expected, two people with clearly too much time on their hands who decided it’d be funny to post “I'm more interested to hear about the Tattoo? Fusion Logo on your forehead?” and “We want photos of the tattoo or come and show me...”. These comments thoroughly upset me, and as much as I wanted to respond to them and defend tattoos (and the fact that they shouldn’t give a shit what I put on my body because well, it’s my body), I decided to be the bigger person and let it be. I instead decided to share my thoughts here on the whole situation, and the new opinion about social media it has given me.

So why did these comments upset me? I’m certainly no stranger to mean or mischievous people on the internet, but these comments hit me on a more personal level. First of all, as I mentioned, why is it their business what I put on my body? A tattoo is a deeply personal choice that I shouldn’t have to justify to anyone. Tattoos have meanings to the person who’s body their on, and for me, these comments made me feel like these people were questioning the significance of mine. It was like they were telling me I’m clearly one of those people who drunkenly decided to get a stupid tattoo. For me, tattoos are an art form and means of expression, and these people’s comments imply to me that they have the opposite opinion (although I can respect a difference in opinion). Also, these two people have never meet me before in their life, who are they to demand a picture of me or judge my personal choices? Lastly, how did their comment contribute to an answer to the question I had posted?

After having these thoughts run through my head, I began to realize I am probably completely over analyzing their comments. I could be interpreting them in a completely different way then they were intended. Also, I made judgments about them without even meeting them (which is why these comments upset me in the first place). Not to mention, I posted in question in a group that has thousands of members - I set myself up for someone to make a stupid comment. That’s when I realized that social media is horrible for these kinds of situations! How can anyone understand the intention of what a person has written on their facebook, twitter, instagram? There’s no face to face interaction on the internet, so misunderstanding occur all the time (especially between strangers). That’s why social media is famous for pointless arguments and “comment wars”.

So what have I taken away for this experience? Well first of all, ignore the people who have too much time on their hands who write comments with the intention of upsetting you. Responding will get you nowhere. That being said, I know I won’t be posting in Hanoi Massive anymore. I also learned that in this day and age of only text conversations, you have to be careful to not judge and be aware of misunderstandings. For me , this doesn’t mean social media is evil or a bad means of communication, but it does mean you must chose you words wisely when using it and be aware of how you respond to other’s words.

Reflecting on having a visitor!

Recently, I had the pleasure of hosting a friend, Natasha, who was in a singing group with me in University. We both had a great time, even if I had to write my final report during most of her stay! Not only was her visit special because we hadn’t seen each other in such a long time (probably close to a year), but also because it showed me a whole new side of Hanoi and of myself.

As I showed Natasha my favorite foods and cafes, how to cross the street, and some famous places in Hanoi, I realized how much I have learned about this city. She made me realize that things that used to be strange to me – such as the insane traffic or constant attempts to sell you something as you walk down the street – have become normal. And as she put it, these things shouldn’t be normal to a Westerner, but they are now for me. She also made me realize that I understand the culture more than I previously thought. She showed me that I do speak enough Vietnamese to get by, I find a fork and knife unusual to use, and I know how to be polite to a Vietnamese (or rude if the situation calls for it).

Natasha also made me realize even more so how hard coming home is going to be. As we sat on plastic stools eating street food in the old quarter of Hanoi, we kept sharing stories and saying “how can you explain this to anyone back in Canada?”. Natasha having taught English in Thailand and now traveling Asia, she has had as many of these moments as I have. Although I am extremely excited to see my friends and family, I’m beginning to realize how hard communicating my time in Vietnam will be. I’m going to dread questions like “so how was your trip” or “tell me your favorite memory of Vietnam”… because for me they’re unanswerable. I know my friends and family are going to want to hear all about what I have experienced, but I’m afraid they’re not going to truly understand it. How can I share the feeling of wind in your hair as you  drive a motorbike, or the beauty of an ancient Vietnamese pagoda, or the taste of real bun cha (my favorite Hanoi specialty)? I’m afraid I’m going to feel like a bit of an alien in my own home. But I also know I have my fellow INDEVOURS to support me, and that the alien feeling will all be part of the cultural reintegration process.