“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once and a while, you could miss it.”

67 days. That’s how much longer I have on my “experience of a lifetime living and working in Hanoi”. One essay and a final work report are all I have left to write to complete my undergrad degree. How on earth did that creep up on me!? And how has my time in Vietnam flown by so fast? I seems like just yesterday, I walked the streets of Hanoi's old quarter and was fascinated with everything around me. Now those things that fascinated me are everyday life... which still kinda blows my mind when I think about it.

With the countdown already on, I really need to get working more on those grad school applications… and figuring out what I’m gonna do with myself when I get home. It’s hit me suddenly over the past week or so that when I get back to Canada and graduate that my options are completely open. No school, no job, no definitive plans (as of yet) that are forcing me to be in a certain place for a certain amount of time. For the first time in my life, I will be able to go anywhere and do anything. All my older, working friends tell me this these endless possibilities will make it the most exciting time of my life, but right now the pressure of needing to make a decision scares me much more than it excites me. It’s the wake-up call that I really am “growing up”.

I’ve conceived so many plans for myself for when I get back. A cross-country bike trip. Backpacking around South America. Going back to the Philippines to volunteer on Project Leyte again. Working in Vancouver and living with the family I have there. Working in Toronto and staying closer to home. The logical side of me says “stay close to home because you’ve been away for so long already, get a job to get yourself some experience, and start paying back those student loans. You can’t just come back and leave again anyway.” But the other side of me knows I’m going to find home boring. I’m sorry mom and dad, but Newmarket isn’t gonna cut it for me! I miss my family and friends of course and I want to spend time to reconnect, but I also want to take advantage of the fact that I will have nothing tieing me down. I want to use that freedom to travel and explore. I can’t count the number of people who have told me to go out and see the world while I still can… and not to worry about the money or student loans yet. Not to mention that there’s tons of programs that let you live abroad while working anyway.

Making a decision among the indefinite number of options that I have is so overwhelming. I’ve already decided that I am going to apply this year, but grad school is most likely gonna have to wait another year because I do want to get some more practical experience before I go to school again. But there’s still the matter of “what do I do in between now and then”. I have no idea where to even begin to narrow my choices. I’m hoping an opportunity will present itself, or something will happen between now and the end of April, to give me some direction. Until then… I’ll just keep digging myself an even bigger hole by making even more imaginary plans.