A rant about tattoos and Facebook: social media lessons

Today I had an experience on social media that has influenced my perspective and opinion about it. It started when I asked for some simple advice on a social media site about a tattoo. I wrote a question on the Facebook group “Hanoi Massive” (which is a group where expats living in Hanoi can post questions, events, room vacancies, etc) about where/how to dispose of the needle I was given by the parlor where I got a star tattooed behind my ear. I got many helpful answers, as I expected. But as could also be expected, two people with clearly too much time on their hands who decided it’d be funny to post “I'm more interested to hear about the Tattoo? Fusion Logo on your forehead?” and “We want photos of the tattoo or come and show me...”. These comments thoroughly upset me, and as much as I wanted to respond to them and defend tattoos (and the fact that they shouldn’t give a shit what I put on my body because well, it’s my body), I decided to be the bigger person and let it be. I instead decided to share my thoughts here on the whole situation, and the new opinion about social media it has given me.

So why did these comments upset me? I’m certainly no stranger to mean or mischievous people on the internet, but these comments hit me on a more personal level. First of all, as I mentioned, why is it their business what I put on my body? A tattoo is a deeply personal choice that I shouldn’t have to justify to anyone. Tattoos have meanings to the person who’s body their on, and for me, these comments made me feel like these people were questioning the significance of mine. It was like they were telling me I’m clearly one of those people who drunkenly decided to get a stupid tattoo. For me, tattoos are an art form and means of expression, and these people’s comments imply to me that they have the opposite opinion (although I can respect a difference in opinion). Also, these two people have never meet me before in their life, who are they to demand a picture of me or judge my personal choices? Lastly, how did their comment contribute to an answer to the question I had posted?

After having these thoughts run through my head, I began to realize I am probably completely over analyzing their comments. I could be interpreting them in a completely different way then they were intended. Also, I made judgments about them without even meeting them (which is why these comments upset me in the first place). Not to mention, I posted in question in a group that has thousands of members - I set myself up for someone to make a stupid comment. That’s when I realized that social media is horrible for these kinds of situations! How can anyone understand the intention of what a person has written on their facebook, twitter, instagram? There’s no face to face interaction on the internet, so misunderstanding occur all the time (especially between strangers). That’s why social media is famous for pointless arguments and “comment wars”.

So what have I taken away for this experience? Well first of all, ignore the people who have too much time on their hands who write comments with the intention of upsetting you. Responding will get you nowhere. That being said, I know I won’t be posting in Hanoi Massive anymore. I also learned that in this day and age of only text conversations, you have to be careful to not judge and be aware of misunderstandings. For me , this doesn’t mean social media is evil or a bad means of communication, but it does mean you must chose you words wisely when using it and be aware of how you respond to other’s words.

Reflecting on having a visitor!

Recently, I had the pleasure of hosting a friend, Natasha, who was in a singing group with me in University. We both had a great time, even if I had to write my final report during most of her stay! Not only was her visit special because we hadn’t seen each other in such a long time (probably close to a year), but also because it showed me a whole new side of Hanoi and of myself.

As I showed Natasha my favorite foods and cafes, how to cross the street, and some famous places in Hanoi, I realized how much I have learned about this city. She made me realize that things that used to be strange to me – such as the insane traffic or constant attempts to sell you something as you walk down the street – have become normal. And as she put it, these things shouldn’t be normal to a Westerner, but they are now for me. She also made me realize that I understand the culture more than I previously thought. She showed me that I do speak enough Vietnamese to get by, I find a fork and knife unusual to use, and I know how to be polite to a Vietnamese (or rude if the situation calls for it).

Natasha also made me realize even more so how hard coming home is going to be. As we sat on plastic stools eating street food in the old quarter of Hanoi, we kept sharing stories and saying “how can you explain this to anyone back in Canada?”. Natasha having taught English in Thailand and now traveling Asia, she has had as many of these moments as I have. Although I am extremely excited to see my friends and family, I’m beginning to realize how hard communicating my time in Vietnam will be. I’m going to dread questions like “so how was your trip” or “tell me your favorite memory of Vietnam”… because for me they’re unanswerable. I know my friends and family are going to want to hear all about what I have experienced, but I’m afraid they’re not going to truly understand it. How can I share the feeling of wind in your hair as you  drive a motorbike, or the beauty of an ancient Vietnamese pagoda, or the taste of real bun cha (my favorite Hanoi specialty)? I’m afraid I’m going to feel like a bit of an alien in my own home. But I also know I have my fellow INDEVOURS to support me, and that the alien feeling will all be part of the cultural reintegration process. 

With one month left on placement...

With one month left in Hanoi, I’ve been reflecting on the things I will, and won’t, miss about this strange and wonderful city, and Vietnamese culture general. So here’s my ever-evolving list of things that will be hard to leave and things I’m ready to leave.

I’ll miss…

· The people (of course!). The friends I have made here will be for a lifetime I know it! And Vietnamese are always so happy to invite me places and share their lives with me. They’re the reason I WILL come back one day soon to Hanoi

· My job and co-workers. Although I'm not doing what I hoped to be doing during my time at SRD, I really do enjoy the communications work I do. I also am proud to work for such a reputable and professional organization like SRD. We work hard, but we also know how to have fun! SRD really is my Vietnamese family.

· The food. Not having the best street food in the world just outside my front door, for around $1/meal, is going to make me go through Vietnamese food withdrawal. And I’ll miss my office cook’s food too! Which reminds me, I’m gonna have to cook again (ugh... the joys of being “grown up”).
· The culture. I feel like I’m always picking up a new custom, exploring a new area of town, or learning new facts about Vietnamese history. Living in such a culturally rich place, there’s always ways to expand your knowledge! Especially in Hanoi.
· Always having something to do. Whether it’s a hanging cool coffee shop, biking with a friend to a pagoda, or going to a concert… Hanoi has no shortage of things for you to do and see! It’s one of the reasons I love big cities!
· The independence. Although I love sharing my life in Vietnam with friends back home and wish they could experience it with me, it feels pretty cool that I have a life all my own that is completely different than my loved ones. I also feel like living so far from home has truly made me stand on my own two feet and make decisions by myself, which I’m sure will make me more self-sufficient when I get back home.
· The craziness and busy-ness of the city. As chaotic as life can be in Hanoi sometimes, it gives the city a character. A pulse. A vibe. It makes you come alive and want to explore.
· The ease of transportation in Asia. I love how cheap and easy it is to travel by bus, train and even plane! It’s given me the chance to see so much of this incredible country, and continent!

I won’t miss
· The traffic and noise. After 7 months I’m still not a fan of horns 24/7 and getting cut off every few minutes while I bike home (although I have come to accept and deal with these long ago). Hanoi has even made me an angry driver at times. When I do get honked at, cut off, or nearly hit by someone talking on their cellphone, luckily I can let out my frustrations in English while continuing down the street and no one around me is phased. Having some rules on the road will be a nice change.
· Getting unwanted attention. The occasional strange man yelling “I love you” at me, or the questions about my age/martial status/income/home country don’t bother me really (because that’s just how life as a foreigner goes in Vietnam goes), but it will be nice to “blend in” again.
· Having to buy bottled water. Drinking from the tap is privilege I have missed.
· The language barrier. Many people in Hanoi speak at least a little English, and I understand quite a bit of Vietnamese by now, but understanding 100% of what I hear and see around me will be a pleasant surprise to come home to I think. Granted I will miss the challenge that this language barrier presented me. I hope I stay motivated to continue to practice and learn Vietnamese even once I won’t need it every day.

You can see how torn myself, and my fellow INDEVOURS as well probably, are feeling right now about leaving the places we have called home for 7 months now. But at the same time, I feel in many ways I'm ready to go home. Such is the life of a development worker I suppose... falling in love with a place you're working in and knowing you have to leave it one day.

Observations on vietnamese culture

There are many aspects of Vietnamese culture that I really enjoy and have accepted whole heatedly – like showing respect by referring to people based on their age relative to you, or slurping you soup and noodles! But there is one part of Vietnamese culture that I still find strange and cannot accept, which is the pressure on girls to get married young. Whenever I meet a new Vietnamese person, the conversation almost always starts by them asking my age, where I am from, what my salary is, if I am married, and how old I will be when I do get married. I by no means am saying every Vietnamese asks these questions, but I have to say I have had this experienced almost more times than I can count. To a Westerner, these questions can come off as very personal and unusual to ask someone you have just met. I know now that these questions are just a way that Vietnamese get to know me and I answer them honestly every time, but the “when will you be married?” question still doesn’t sit well with me. Not only does the question assume that everyone wants to get married in the first place, but it also puts so pressure on young Vietnamese girls to find a husband, which can take away from their carriers or other aspirations. Many of my single friends here in Hanoi who are around my age have told me about how their parents keep asking when they will bring a man home. If you’re not married by 30-years old in Vietnam, you’re considered undesirable and too old to find someone anymore. Parents get worried, and think marriage is a kind of security net for their children.  For me, marriage is something that should happen because you are ready for it and have met the right person, not something you should force to happen by a certain age. I’m not saying that young marriage is always bad and unhappy, but I think you need your youth to figure out who YOU are before you can commit to another person for the rest of your life. This may be a somewhat Western view, but it’s one that I will always advocate for because I believe marriage is too big of a decision to force on a person.

However, from what I have observed, the pressure to get married young is a generational thing which is changing. Although my single Vietnamese friends say they feel their parents want them to get married soon, they want to wait until they find the right person to marry. I think the “get married young” view is becoming old-fashioned amoug today’s youth. However that doesn’t mean that girls don’t feel the pressure still. They see their friends marrying, and ask themselves when their wedding will be. I think this shows there is a slow but definitive change in this aspect of Vietnamese culture. I have no idea how far this change will go or if it will happen for the better, but I hope it happens in a sustainable way that will give Vietnamese girls more freedom.

So, to my fellow INDEVOURS and to my Vietnamese readers, do you observe a similar situation? And what do you think about this topic? Please note again that this just my observations about Vietnamese culture… I don’t claim that it is 100% accurate and I mean no offense. 

A snapshot of my placement experience

Today I received an email asking for me to awnser a few questions which will be featured in a publication by St Paul's University College (a great supporter of the International Development program). I found my responses kind of gave a quick overview of my whole placement experience so I thought I'd share them!

1) How are you finding your placement and the country/environment you
are living in?
Hanoi is a crazy but wonderful city to live in. It can be chaotic with the traffic and the noise, but there’s always something new to do and see. Even having been here almost 7 months now, I’m still discovering the city every day! I love that there is no shortage of history here too. The museums, architecture, and monuments of Hanoi are all so rich in Vietnamese history and culture. Part of that culture is of course the food, which is one of my favorite parts of living in Vietnam (granted some dishes are much more adventurous than others)! Getting delicious street food for cheaper than you can cook yourself a meal for is a habit I think anyone can get used to. Besides the living environment, the NGO working environment I am a part of is also one thing I’m really enjoying about placement. My coworkers have become my close friends, and are very willing to share their expertise in the fields I am interested in. There is a big sense of family and community when you work for a small NGO.

2) What have you learned (which you did or did not expect to)?
Something that I’ve learned that I did not expect to is how to be more independent. Having lived in another country before and having been away at University the past 3 years, I considered myself a pretty independent person before going on placement. But having a 24-hour plane ride and 12-hour time difference between me and home has forced me to become independent on a whole new level. I really had to make my own decisions and I have to everything myself. It has also made me more independent in terms of my learning. You don’t have a professor to lecture and help you you in person, so you have to take charge of your own learning. You’re forced to analyze your experiences and what you see around you/ In other words, no one can tell you what you’re supposed to learn and how you’ll learn it. It’s a chance to have a completely personalized learning experience.

3) What are you looking forward to now?
To be honest, I’ve been avoiding this question even from my friends and family because I don’t have a plan for post-graduation quite yet! The freedom to do anything after graduation can make you feel overwhelmed with choice. However, I have been looking for jobs at NGOs in Toronto/Montreal/Ottawa, but I’m also applying to masters programs in Disaster & Emergency management at York and Royal Rhodes University. Either way, I know graduate school is in my future (whether it’s this year or next). Working for an NGO that does disaster risk reduction and response work has really motivated me to pursue a masters in that area. Climate change will cause more extreme weather events and the poor will be the most vulnerable to these events so I’ve become driven to help decrease that vulnerability.

A normal week for an INDEVOUR in Vietnam

Inspired by a bog post from my fellow INDEVOUR Darrelle (and also due to the realization that after living here so long I have yet to really describe on my blog what life in Vietnam is like), I thought I’d write about an average week for me in Hanoi. I hope if gives some insight into how I’ve been living the past 6 months!

My average day starts with a 20-minute (well, usually more) bike ride to my office down Le Duan and Giai Phong streets, the main roads leading in/out of Hanoi. Needless to say when I first started riding my bike to work I wasn’t quite comfortable navigating through the traffic and noise, but now I ride my bike faster than the motorbikes on the road! Knowing the intricacies of Vietnamese traffic, like when to slow down or speed up, or how to not get mad every time someone honks at you or cuts you off, are definitely skills that can only be learned by living in Hanoi.

When I get to the office, I’m always greeted with smiles and a “how are you?” from whoever is at our front desk! Then I go up the lovely, old, winding staircase to the second floor of the building, where the room where my desk is. I fire up my computer as I say hi to everyone, and I get to work with a cup of green tea brewed by our amazing office cook. As a communications officer, my general tasks are updating our website and facebook page, writing articles, taking pictures at events, editing documents/publications, and making videos. I do get to attend the occasional workshop, training, or project launch too. There are certainly days when I have more to do than others, and I consider myself very lucky to have a pretty steady stream of work.

Then at noon, we get a phone call from downstairs to tell us it’s lunch time… all the staff’s favorite part of the day! Our office cook is pretty much my Vietnamese mother… she’s always looking after me. Not to mention she makes amazing food! Our standard meal is rice, some sort of meat and fish, steamed or stir-fried veggies, and soup – always family style. Lunch is followed sometimes by cards at a nearby coffeeshop, or a nap if you feel like it. We go back to work until around 6, and it’s time for me to make the ride down Le Duan again to get myself home.

I’ll usually pick up street food for myself for dinner on the way home. There are a few places that I am quite the regular. I admit I do almost no cooking here, but I justify it with how cheap and delicious all the street food is! My evenings are almost always busy, whether it’s a Vietnamese-English language exchange lesson with a friend, doing homework at a café, going to Toastmasters meetings on Tuesdays, or an Open Mic night on Wednesdays with my roommate.

Weekends are also very busy for me! Seeing friends and coworkers (Canadian and Vietnamese), more language exchange lessons, more homework, concerts, going to the market… there’s always something for me to do in Hanoi! My Vietnamese friends love inviting me out to interesting places around Hanoi, and sometimes to their homes as well. When I do have downtime at my house though, it’s always filled with quality time with my roommate and her son… making music, watching movies, or just talking about life.

I feel like I live a pretty amazing life here in Vietnam. It’s busy and chaotic sometimes… but that’s because I’m trying to get the most out of the short time I have left. It’s also a life of small routine things that I can already tell I am going to miss so much. I really wouldn’t trade my placement experience here for any other one. This may sound sooooo cliché, but I am incredibly thankful that I have the chance to be a part of Vietnamese culture just through my day to day activities, as well as for the great people I have met who have come to define my time in Vietnam.

That Olympic feeling

It was a hockey game that every Canadian will remember. The Canadian women were down 2-0 against the USA in the Olympic gold medal game with 4 minutes left in the 3rd period. Some of my friends that were in the restaurant with me watching the game had given up hope. Some Americans that were watching with us had already gone home thinking they’d won (granted, I don’t blame them, the game started at midnight Hanoi time). Then, the near-impossible happened. Brianne Jenner scored with 3:26 left, and Marie-Philip Poulin scored with only 55 seconds to go! After a nail-biting 8:15 in overtime, Poulin scored again on a powerplay to bring home the gold medal. 

I’ve never been so on my toes watching a hockey game! And in that moment, even though I was 12,790 kilometers from home, I’ve never felt more Canadian. That comeback IS hockey. It proved hockey is OUR game, and always will be. Seeing the women receive their well-deserved medals, and hearing the national anthem, made me incredibly patriotic and emotional. I admit it would have been nice to be a part of the celebrations back home, but I was also very happy to have shared the moment with some fellow INDEVOURS and new Canadian friends. 

This game was certainly the highlight of the Olympics for me, but watching my country compete in all of the games while so far away from home was a great reminder of the amazing place I call home. I’ve always loved watching the Olympics, but these ones were very special for me because I felt a new kind of patriotism. I watched the games with people from all over the world, and when I wore my Canada jean-jacket and t-shirt it really meant something. I was representing and cheering-on my country in a foreign land… which was a great feeling.

Until next time, Internet...